


Mom

by Bruhhhhhhhhhh



Category: No Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:41:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26311309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bruhhhhhhhhhh/pseuds/Bruhhhhhhhhhh





	Mom

The first thing I forgot was the sound of her voice. Recordings don’t sound the same, I can tell that it’s her digital voice but it’s not _her_ voice. And then the realization came that along with her voice, I forgot the sound of her laugh. I never really thought about it forgetting her, that it was possible, to forget things about someone’s being.

Of course, she is not someone I’ll ever forget no matter how much time passes, she was my mother after all, but I catch myself forgetting pieces of her. She’ll always be a part of my memory but the parts of her that were _her_ , I catch myself forgetting.

I can’t remember all her tattoos; I just know she had them. I remember she had three words in cursive on both arms, they were part of a saying but I don't know what it was. I know she had brown eyes, but I forget the exact shade.

I have this mental image of her, but it’s not the her that was living. It’s a mixture of what I am capable remembering and what I piece together based on what makes the most sense.

  
I never knew her favorite color. I think it was green, but I don’t know why I think that. Maybe she told me that when I was little?

  
Unfortunately, it was easy to forget her smile. She always frowned, she was always stressed and there were few times she was content. I forget the shape of her nose, did the nub dip? Did the nub upturn? And with each question, and each answer I give myself in return, I find myself questioning if I am remembering her or some version I thought I knew, it’s genuinely concerning.

Grief is an odd beast. I resented her and swore that I’d never miss her, but now that she’s gone, I wish I had taken the time to know her better as a person and not solely ‘Mother’. I wish I had accepted that fact that she was a person who had flaws and that it was okay for her to make mistakes. I always held her to a high standard and when she failed to meet my expectations, I got angry. I always wanted a relationship with her, and when I finally accepted I would never have that, she let me know she wanted a relationship too. It broke me in a way I can’t quite put into words. It was so aggravating to get what I wanted after I accepted I wouldn't get it. So I burned that bridge and moved on. Now here I am, years later lamenting over the past and wishing I had chosen different so that I could have something more of her to hold onto, to remember.

Time seems to have washed away old wounds and the resentment but gave way to a new problem, I can’t fucking remember her.


End file.
